C is for Caliente, Cabron, Cocinar – #AtoZChallenge

Molcajete y tejolote, (mortar and pestle) Traditional way of gri

I’m a parrot.

I grew up nominally learning Spanish with Spanish-speaking parents so, as my hot-tempered father would say, “You can make it to the top.”  I made it to the top of my English class, not pining for the language of my ancestors, but hating the way my father pronounced my name, “Veronica!” in Spanish:

Ve – curt and brief, just like chopped up vegetables

Rò – with a trill. Imagibe a trilly “Ro-Ro-Ro your boat”

Ni – as in tripped up knee, but you’re falling gracefully down the stairs now

Ca – as in.. well, reprated twice, I shan’t say.

His prowess in singing and playing the guitar, I swear, were all practice for hitting the right tune in calling my name to get after me… Spanish-style, with a stream of obscenities and a dose of machismo.

Ve-rò-ni-ca!!

Go Google and YouTube it, I’m sure you’ll find the pronunciation.  Now go and and imagine my name growled out of the lips of a big ole’ Hispanic male, heavy-set with thick furrowed eyebrows.  I swear I would never be like him.

Ve-rò-ni-ca!!

Caliente.

The cabròn came later when I got married at 20.  The very english daughter who was going to the top settled for a $100 gold wedding ring from Zales.  Dad’s investment into marrying the “most beautiful girl in Elsa, Texas” to compensate for what he thought were “ugly” gruff looks fell by the wayside.  Thirty, forty years stuck in a hellish marriage for the sake of the children, and all he had to show for it was his empty nest.  Like his other daughters, I chose love.. and ran away as fast as I could to it.  My poor Dad.

And cocinar?  I do a lousy job of it.  I wish me a stove, but luckily, my cabròn doesn’t mind a whit, nor that I know just enough Spanish to pretend to  think I know how to speak it.  No nude, Spanish-speaking dancing, love-making sprite here, but a lady who can lay into a genuine Spanish cursing spell. .. kinda like my Dad.

Because I parrot really well.  Symphonic ears and a mimicking tongue are just born that way, I guess.  ..just like Dad’s.

***

This is for the 2017 A to Z Challenge – a series of alphabetized themes throughout April, based on a theme.

My theme is my writing identity, self-discovery, learning to blog (again) — take your pick!

Visit the A to Z Challenge website to learn more.  It’s never to late.  I think.

 

 

 

C is for Carnage

This morning as I was ironing for work, I thought about my C — and carnage came to mind.

The carnage of ideas.

Millions of left over words, thoughts, beliefs, feelings and images float through mind like space debris making its way throughout the galaxy.

Abandoned ideas.

Slain ideas that sit in the stew of my meddled mind, coming back to life, zombie-like:  Remember me?  You haven’t forgotten, have you?  C’mon, it’ll work.  It’s worth it.  Remember when?  It felt good.  Even your mom did it..

Whispers in the shadows of memory.

Which probably explains why I’m trying to get BACK into  pressed button-downs and sharp creases..

Behave – #AtoZChallenge

Little notes to self:

– You’re done with complaints and cryin’.  Of course writing’s hard and you have no time for it.. you think you have no time for it. Time to switch it into gear and make your fake-fiction-impossible possible.  People do it all the time.

Rememeber what it was to live without it. Death.  Limbo.  Functioning on automatic without Joy, Taste. Senselesss, literally.  Take your pick.  You were tongue-tied for months, couldn’t speak and second-guessed yourself, your creativity dried up, and was nothing more than a yes-man follower.  The Agenda of The Other was easier to follow because you chose the easy way and got used to fluff.  All because you quit for awhile.  Never do that again.

Rememeber what it was to wake up.  You started with sentences like you did years ago, but the cork popped and you were extending paragraphs past into pages. You became decisive overnight and stopped putting  up with injustice, stood up for the little guy. Again.  And again.  God!  You guided others!  You saw how they looked at you — they were asking through their expressions, “Where have you been?”

You can’t ask for anything more than that in life — Life!!  Where fully authentic You gets to fully authentically love and appreciate.  When you met with herself and saw you on the page, you saw them.  Bright, muddled, wandering, full of arrogance, it didn’t matter.. you want to meet and touch then all, for them, not for you.   Rememebr this.  Do not let it die.  Do not, ever, die the living death — again.

– As for this blogging business, what are you worried about? You’ve fallen in love with the people before, in the flesh.  You’re doing that now.  You’re older now.  Why do you even count that as a fear?  It’s so fun!  Live the Joy! Their Joy!

You don’t know what you’ll write?  Does everyone?  Every moment?  And so what if you don’t?  Is it judgment you have a problem with?  But that’s judging other people first — is that even fair?  Some days will come, others you’ll have to strategize and work for.  You’re already getting a sense of what you can do and you don’t want to discount growth.  Don’t even think if it, Veronica!

Do you remember when you wanted to be a saint?  And all those pages of perfection written by someone who saw mankind through someone else’s eyes, but not God’s?  You threw up your hands and told him take care of it for you, because you were done constantly thinking saintly hoo-rah.  You were going to love and that was it.  When has that ever failed you?  It’s the same with you writing.  Love and trust, yourself and others.

You know what you’re doing — now, behave!

I love you!

***

This is for the 2017 A to Z Challenge – a series of alphabetized themes throughout April, based on a theme.

My theme is my writing identity, self-discovery, learning to blog (again) — take your pick!

Visit the A to Z Challenge website to learn more.  It’s never to late (I think!

B for Blog, Blog, Blog – #AtoZChallenge

…blog about anything.

Evoke English accent:

– Howard’s End, 1992. Emma Thompson, Anthony Hopkins.. English!  I adore English movies, dahling, have you not ever seen them?  Full of grace and ch-ahm, reminds me very much of dreams long pahst.  How I pined for meadows with flowers and fields as fah as mine eyes can see!  Oh, if you evah knew what set my haht aflame when I was but a girl!

I could sit he-ah and fill mind to my haht’s content…

***

This is for the 2017 A to Z Challenge – a series of alphabetized themes throughout April, based on a theme.

My theme is my writing identity, self-discovery, learning to blog (again) — take your pick!

Visit the A to Z Challenge website to learn more.  I don’t think it’s ever too late.

Ancestral Right

Gin gathered her shoes to take one last look at the white cliffs from where she stood. The tears wouldn’t come. Not even the comfortable scream she always felt broiling it in the pit of her stomach. She thought the rage would fuel her until no one, not Zuckerborg, Tramp nor any other billion-trillionaire could ever think about claiming a right to her ancestor’s homeland.  And here she was, her emotions, her will, her plans dissipated like the froth that whimpered inches from her feet.

“Look at me. I was as angry as those crashing waves on the rocks over there… I’m supposed to live old and die on those cliffs.”

By the tone of her voice, Tara knew the expression on Gin’s face before she even looked up at her dear friend. The person who stood before her was someone else, someone new.  She was excited  to see this, but mentioning it now would be like rushing a newborn foal out to pasture before it could stand. Was she ready?  “What are you going to do now?” Tara asked.

Gin’s calm face hid her hardened soul.  “It’s not over.. he can’t own the world.”

***

Visit Al Forbes’s Sunday Photo Fiction for a photo that will inspire you to write a story of 200 words or so.

Thanks to Iian and his own Sunday Photo Fiction post “Sand.”  Emphasis on characterization.

For action moves on this see “Silent Defender.”

For poetry form – “Come and Follow Me.’

B for Blog Summore – #AtoZChallenge

Thunderstorm over Grand Prairie, Texas

– Thunderstorm this morning.  Line of storms passing through, nickel-size hail.  Tornado warning sitting right above my home.  Before moving to Central Texas, my eyes never stopped looking up at the South Texas skies.  Tornadoes never made it our way.   Hurricanes, yes.  Supercells during a spring rain, no.  I blame my Dad.  As a chemistry teacher, he was an amateur-everything.  Hurricane tracking from June to October was something he particularly indulged in.  Then there was tracking stars, tracking ellipses, then fixing the VCR tracking on all those tapes he used when he began recording the world.  Every 5-6 news hour, every primtime news event, he’s got it recorded like the scientist he was.

In writing this, I now see how he was an early social scientist who examined people-data authentically, purely, sans the drive for mass-consumerism we commonly see now.

I’m going to miss his generation.

– In this, my 2nd day of blogging, I can tell the habit hasn’t kicked in yet. Waiting for it to turn on.  A sort of “click” where how I observe the world begins to make its way onto a mental list for blogging later.  I know what it feels like because I’ve been there before.  I haven’t figured out how I’ll handle it during the workday — but I have notebooks everywhere.  Carry the phone everywhere.  There will be a time, I’m not worried about it.  But this.. this speaking freely.  What a joy.

How different would the world be if everyone blogged and sought ,what it is that everyone really, really wants — contact with community.

Thanks for reading.  🙂

***

This is for the 2017 A to Z Challenge – a series of alphabetized themes throughout April, based on a theme.

My theme is my writing identity, self-discovery, learning to blog (again) — take your pick!

Visit the A to Z Challenge website to learn more.  I don’t think it’s ever too late.

 

 

 

Again

Trying to habituate.  

Hesitancy of thought isn’t something I’m used to.   I’ve filled 100 notebooks, but they’re very different animal than writing live in the Internet… this is a live Notebook, really, and I’m wondering what it’s like to have a page speak back to you.

Because that is what this is, blogging. I’m tapping into a social consciousness that will either ignore me or respond to me. But… that’s a consideration I’m trying to overcome. I want to write for me.

So… here’s me. 1 a, working the free-flow I’d reserved for my notebooks onto a phone screen. 

Trying to jump start a habit.

A for Anything – 2017 #AtoZChallenge

Anything, anything, anything.

– Today, I took to my bed no less than 3 times, anytime I felt like napping.  They weren’t long, maybe an hour, maybe less.  Cool sheets with a fan on my face, remembrances of my youth before air conditioning.  Light sleep, not interrupted.  Now I get to be a night owl.

– Piglet from the Disney Store.  I’m in the throes of adulthood and I still love a stuffed animal.  Charming and comforting.  I’ve envied the love children feel from their own cuddlies. So, this one.. perfect.  As though he walked out of the box TV set from the 70s.  Maybe this is why memories bring us such comfort.. to hide in the mist of our minds until our hearts call out to them.

As for me, the memories of my living want to remain hidden.  I feel a part of me missing.  Maybe this is why I brought Piglet home with me today.  To rebuild.   Bring him out only when I need him?

No.. now.  While I watch a John Wick.

– Blogging.  The last, last time I wrote to write to write from the pit was.. I couldn’t tell you.  Before the internet went viral in the 2000s for sure.  I am not reaching back to the person I was then.  I’ve
changed, I honor the me I am now.  I want to lay my thoughts along the ground like rose petals.  Develop that habit of trailed thinking that seems endless.  Blog everyday.  Many times a day.  Let my mind curl back into naps of thinking like today.

***

This is for the 2017 A to Z Challenge – a series of alphabetized themes throughout April, based on a theme.

My theme is my writing identity, self-discovery, learning to blog (again) — take your pick!

Visit the A to Z Challenge website to learn more.  It’s never to late (I think!

The Beginning

It’s taken me no less than an hour to figure out what my theme will be for the A to Z challenge. This problem is a repeat — but I’m tired of speaking of problems. Or hindrances. Or obstacles.  Or complaints. This is the last time you’ll hear about them.

This is a new blog.  I’ve had several of them.  And as with every blog I begin, I start by explaining it’s purpose.  I need a frame to create.  The frame for this blog is to reclaim my identity.  To go deep into my thinking, where I don’t usually get to go in life, and let myself think to write.  I want to discover, learn and grow my own thinking. I want to blog without restraint, without worry.  Just be.

So, here I am.